Defending Max

Lately, the powers that be came as close as it dared to demonizing it's wonder kid, Max Verstappen. I'm not going to yap a lot about corner one in the 2016 Belgian GP other than to note that this is the same dart for the inside as Daniil Kvyat pursued in Sochi but the consequences for the Red Bulls were very different this time around. Max had a poor start and in an attempt to get ahead, clearly off-track, refused to pull out of cutting in to corner one. Sebastian Vettel had a better start and in his attempt to get ahead, refused to pull out of cutting in to corner one also. The distinction for Vettel is that he was clearly ahead and that left the sandwiched Kimi Raikkonen to take the hit. Surprisingly the first sign of immaturity we've seen from fresh Verstappen ... that is up until the Kemmel straight. 

Anyone worth their weight in Formula One learns the rules well enough to bend and exploit them to their half second advantage. We're seeing it this year in the completely random clamp down of track limits. Verstappen knows that holding track position until a corner allows himself to move back into the racing line towards the apex, thusly legally cutting off and blocking the car behind. In many instances this season, that battle has been Max vs Kimi and the Kimmel straight occurence is where the shit hit the safety fan.

You'll hear Max defend his driving style as giving (in this case Kimi) a side of the track to work with, wait until Kimi makes his decision, (meaning taking the only available space that Max has provided), and Max will make his "one direction" movement to shut the door on that car. Totally within the rules. The problem in this case is that Kimi is forced into a holy-shit-last-minute reaction to (hopefully) brake and avoid a full throttle collision through Max's car. Is Max's strategy legal? According to the 2016 FIA Sporting Regulations for Formula One it clearly falls within the rules. Is it smart at full throttle? Probably not and that's Kimi's point, maintaining track position is probably not worth dying over. Is Max's style wise? The "all or nothing" sure was for Senna but Max is playing the odds of a style we haven't seen lately in the sport.

Take a look at the sea of orange in this picture. In many ways, Formula One is struggling in maintaining it's public image as a successful global brand in motor sport. Max defended his style saying he didn't intend to change. A clear message to the FIA saying it's how he has arrived to this point, it works and he's not going to change it. It's exciting for the often bored fans (remember Baku?) to see this attack and defend technique so the result is a slap on Max's wrist with a pretty soft warning of a possible unsportsmanlike conduct penalty in the future. Not much sleep is going to be lost there.

So, there is now a subconcious message to the rest of the F1 field saying "Look, I'm not backing down, I'm going to defend hard, so you have no choice but to back off." This message was repeated in the media when the unapologetic Max insisted that Kimi/Ferrari were lying in his statements of the events. Then Verstappen came out and told Jacques Villeneuve that he should "watch what he says." Pretty bold words for a young gun to a legend in Formula One. 

Most drivers say they like Max as a person but fear, like Kimi implied and Villeneuve spat out, that he's eventually going to kill someone with his aggressive driving style. Hopefully that won't happen. Like it or hate it, we're going to be left watching some good hard racing from Max and that's a good thing for F1 as he forces the competition to adapt to him. That is if you're behind him!

Share this post:

Why this moment was important

Listen up business men in white shirts of Formula One! ... When you bore us, you lose.

Bear with me here for a second.

I grew up in Scotland. I always joke to people that when you're born in Scotland someone in the family puts a golf club in your hand while another relative starts bouncing a football (soccer ball) against your forehead. It's a joke but it's just barrrrrely a joke. Although I'm not religious at all, I grew up in a Catholic household and as so, you followed Glasgow Celtic. That's how it was. My grandfather followed Celtic. My dad and all his brothers followed "The Hoops" and when my son had to move to Switzerland to do some work, I bought him something everyone moving to Switzerland obviously needs, a Celtic beanie :p

If you ask me about The Bhoys in Green, I can tell you the memory that sticks out in my mind was when I went to a Celtic/Rangers game in the early 70's. I remember my dad giving someone a signal with his head and the ticket agent giving a nod back. My dad's hands came under my arms and helped me jump the turnstile. One child in for free, all transacted in silence. In contrast, that day I remember the sheer noise of it all. The feeling of being surrounded by so many passionate adults all treating me, a kid, as an equal whenever Celtic scored. At that moment, I was part of the sport. I was part of the team. Importantly, I was a loyal fan.

Now, I have no idea who won that game. The score? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't even know how we got there or how we got home for dinner. What sticks in my heart and mind is the unique, drama of it all. The absolute emotional memory of that day's spirit.

Okay, so Lewis and Nico are engaging in an all out battle for this (2016) season's supremacy. Lovin' it. Along comes a hometown victory as Lewis wins the Silverstone race. When Lewis spontaneously comes back to acknowledge the UK fans, you can see the shared experience in their smiles. The photographers scramble. Everyone scrambles. There's a rush of blood and at that moment, regardless of what merchandise the crowd is wearing, they are fans of Lewis Hamilton.

Part of what I think is a problem with current day Formula One is that all the news is about what Bernie has turned this sport into, a business. It's classic tracks with soul and character and so much F1 history being left to rot because of the lack of finances to buy in. It's the empty seats 'cause of ticket prices. It's the less competitive teams being less competitive from being blatantly too damn poor to compete. The knee-jerk reaction of the men in white shirts seems to be to swing the pendulum back to the "glory days" but Lewis understands the new breed and for once we see a driver not bored to death delivering the same answers to the same questions.

Not only did Lewis, and fans, need this reassuring moment of self-esteem but Lewis understood that Formula One needed this moment of social happiness too. This appreciation is the image of intensity we want to get out of Formula One. Not only did Lewis bask in the glory of the win but so did the image of Formula One as an experience. 

Is Lewis Hamilton the best F1 driver ever? No but not yet. Is Lewis Hamilton one of the best F1 drivers ever? Yes, for sure. Will Lewis win in 2016 then? Don't know ... but some teams and fans are going to suffer. Some are going to rejoice, but all fans will keep coming back when they are connected with an exhilarating, Formula One experience. 

In that way, Lewis won.

Share this post:

The Changing of the Guard - Money and Youth

Formula One's staus quo, like many sports today, is in a transitional stage and it's "older" participants are trying to avoid the cross-hairs of surrender. Is thirty going to be the dividing line for drivers being put out to pasture?

This year, when Alonso was declared "lucky to be alive" in the aftermath of the opening Australian Grand Prix, a lot started being asked about the two time World Champion, now 35 years old. Was his instincts still sharp enough? Does he still have it in him to podium, let alone dodge the Grim Repear? Was that wipe-out an opportunity to bow out and retain his honor? Another World Champion reputation in good standing is Jenson Button, now 36 years old and is currently looking for a seat in a car that he would consider "competitive." Button, still believes there is another Championship within him, if he had the opportunity. William's Felipe Massa had many a championship in Formula Cheverlot, Formula Renault and Formula 3000 and posted second best in F1 in 2008. He's now 35 years old and racing a mundane mid-pack. Romain Grosjean, a mere 30 years old, will do his best to cling on to Haas as a last chance stepping stone to a seat with Ferrari. Speaking off, Kimi went from dodging a early season retirement bullet to re-signing with Ferrari, proving himself still competitive and putting many circling sharks deeper into hotter waters. That leaves the question that's going to be asked to these thirty somethings, retire or not retire?

A lot of the pressure of that question is no doubt due to the rapid fire success of Red Bull's wonder kid, Max Verstappen. Now legally old enough to both drive a street car and drink his winning sparkling wine, (don't you miss the podium's "and now the champaaaaaagne", now that Pernod moved to Formula Quiet? Sad.) Verstappen's doubt crushing results have put the spotlight firmly on the emerging drivers of today as everyone scrambles to promote the next best thing. The difference afforded the fight of the experienced versus the youngsters is where it can be afforded most, in the second tier teams. Mercedes-AGM has boosted both Pascal Wehrlein and newest teenager on spot, Esteban Ocon, leaping from DTM, into a valid seat. Soon we'll see if Ocon has what it takes in what surely is a trial by fire, the season's longest and challenging Circuit de Spa. Certainly not where most would want to start although it was good enough for Schumacher!

Ocon circumvents another way into a seat in Formula One nowadays and that's just buy it. We see a new trend, governments jumping off the map and into the limelight through advertising in global sports. As circuits of character and history spend some time holding your door open for spare Euros, Azerbaijan ponies up some oil money for a new race (and apparently into Europe?) Ryo Haryanto's paid for "first Indonesian driver in F1" claim to fame failed to sustain the rest of the 2016 season as the Indonesian government ran out of enough rupiahs to keep Manor in business.

So who's going to hold fort here? Do teams weigh the glory and winning cash with their expenditures or roll the dice with the future drivers of the sport? What about the proven, experience of (granted, expensive) champions now having to fight for their right to maintain track position, trying to stay in the new Formula One or will it be the next generation paying to get in? Right now it's Ocon's pick, #31, but who's number is up next?

Share this post:

Top tips for Attending Spa Francorchamps

Hey, what time is it on the Formula One schedule? It's Spa time!

If you almost spilled your martini looking at your Rolex, you'll probably just land your 24k gold helicopter at the Belgium Gran Prix helipad and saunter into the onsite hotel that graciously offered me a room at only $5000/USD a night. Bless their innocent hearts ...  However, if you're not in the 1%, you probably can't saunter worth a shit, so here's what you need to know about a normal visit to Spa Francorchamps.

 

STAY IN OR VISIT BRUSSELS. By all means, see the city. It's beautiful despite the recent idiotic ISIS fuckers. People are friendly, the food and beer is great and they know the race is on. You'll talk to and see lots of F1 fans wearing their gear in the city.

 

In Verviers, there is another local train you'll be tempted to cross the platform and take. Don't do it. It takes you the backside, close to Spa but instead, WALK OUT THE TRAIN STATION AND USE THE BUSES! They are excellent. There are dedicated express, freeway ones and dedicated more local route ones. Don't wait for one or the other, just get on whatever comes first. Sometimes the express ones get jammed with freeway cars anyway. They come often, fill up efficiently, go directly to and from the circuit and you can spend the time talking to people from all over the world about why the driver and team you support is the best and why their shitty driver and team are obviously hopeless losers.

DO THE PIT WALK ON DAY ONE. If your goal is to see one of the two, Kimi or Lewis, GO EARLY and wait at the Spa gate, then go directly to Kimi or Lewis's pit area. They are incredibly popular and those areas get packed fast.

Spend a practise day WALKING THE CIRCUIT to figure out where you'd like to sit or stand. It's a big track so be prepared for a lot of walking or doing half the track. You can get tired just going from the coaches, to the track, to where you're going to watch the race, so be preparation is key.

BRING A VERY GOOD LIGHTWEIGHT RAIN JACKET. Well-known for it's notorious weather changes, be prepared for rain. Look, if it's raining, it's going to be shitty so make the best of it. Know that you're going to get wet even with the best of gear so make friends with the person next to you in case you need to cuddle up under their umbrella. Cheap ponchos (quality and price) are available but they're complete rubbish so don't rely on them.

VISIT THE MARKETPLACE AND SELLERS LEADING UP TO THE CIRCUIT and be prepared to pay money. As we all know, this ain't a cheap sport for merchandising and you're going to be more tempted by the atmosphere at the race to pay up for things you might be hesitant to buy while sitting at home. There are ATM's on site, everyone is happy to take your credit card but check out the sellers outside the circuit for last year's merch and classic memoribilia. Also, consider buying merchandise that has to do with the Spa circuit itself. Just be prepared to lose some money.

>>>> RACE DAY <<<< -  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - GO EARLIER than you expected. At practise and qualifying you'll think "it's not so bad crowd-wise" but on race day, give yourself an additional hour earlier as way more fans who have camped close to the site and attendees who will only do race day will flood the circuit early.

 

I was quite surprised by how reasonably priced and available half-decent food is at the site. It's not pheasant on china but the variety is good. You can bring your own snacks, and it's a good idea, as you're in for a longgggg day but EATING AT THE TRACK IS QUITE EASY AND NOT AS HARD ON THE WALLET AS YOU'D EXPECT.

THE KEMMEL STRAIGHT ON RACE DAY will be first to get packed. If you plan on sitting here be aware of the following:
- It's hard on the ass as it's surprisingly rocky. Bring something to pad your bum.
- It's also steeper than you'd think so wear good shoes if not boots that can dig in to the incline. It's just that tiny bit steeper that can be hard on you over the course of the day.
- Chairs get planted early at the top of the hill closest to the walkway. People stake their claim here early because it's the flattest to sit on, Be prepared to politely but firmly move through these people to sit on the incline. There's a certain amount of "fuck you, I was here first" about them so they're not exactly happy about parting way all the time. Look for the gaps and smile your way in.

BE PREPARED FOR DRUNKS. Hahaha, F1 fans are so greatly all over the place. They're crazy, excited kids dragged by their parents. They're barely walking pensioners who have the best F1 stories of yesteryear, by all means talk to them! They're uber-rich who love the atmosphere hanging amongst the poor who have scraped pennies to the race. They're all there. Fat. Skinny. Women. Men. And they are there for fast cars and fast times. Be tolerant of the absolutely, completely drunk, because 9 times out of 10, they're FUN but 1 time out of 10, not so much.

LEAVING THE TRACK SUCKS. Whether you scream towards the exit the second someone crosses the finish line, whether you are driving, whether you are taking the buses, expect to move slowly, expect to wait, expect to get out of their late into the night. It's a mass exodus and at least half of it has been drinking all day, so BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE CIRCUIT, USE THE TOILET! 
Trust me, when you're stuck in traffic, you'll thank me later.

Share this post:

goodbye 2017 and halo 2018

You may not like it and I'm pretty sure, deep down, Lewis doesn't like it. Purists hate it as yet another soul destroying aspect of current Formula 1. The ever so polite Red Bull, think it's "aesthetically not elegant" (read: looks like crap,) but love it or hate it, the Halo is a'coming.

Of all the strong reasons for the postponing of the 2017 debut of the Halo, none can be greater than the fact that so little drivers have actually driven with the frikken thing. In fact, that amount is ... wait for it... three drivers. To make matters worse I believe the combined laps the trio did with the safety (a definition currently up for debate) "gadget" (and I'm not sure if that's fair) was the unbelievable number of just four laps and that would be four practise laps, you know, as in, zero race laps.

It would look like one of the test problems right now is the blockage of the air intake. Red Bull came out and said that in the current configuration of the Halo (which by the way, isn't the real deal. It's a mock up used to initially test visibility) they couldn't run any more than two laps before the invention created over-heating problems for both their engine and gearbox. I imagine the triangular shape of the device itself is redirecting or disturbing airflow into the 2016 airbox configuration. 

It means that instead of the current bolt on, test device we currently see, team aerodynamicists would have to get to work engineering the Halo element into the structure of the car. Think of the weight the true Halo will have in order to provide adequate head protection, essentially acting as a frontal roll bar. Contemplate how high that weight is above the centre of gravity of the car and you have a whole new set of problems. That's only one of many complications to add more sleepless nights back in the factories. More coffee?

It would appear that the drivers, rightfully, are worried about the issue of a driver egress in an emergency. This was made all the more real as this season we saw Alonso violently rip through the air. For such an immediate, common concern it would appear that the FIA look to the stewards for the solution to that situation. That is, a bunch of excited, fat dudes flipping your car right-side up to free you. Hmmmmmmmm, tell that to Niki Lauda. Methinks not going to go over well.

I don't see how there cannot be a fundamental visibility issue either. I remember Kimi being asked about how visibility was once; he managed to whisper out a diplomatic "it's okay." I know he doesn't like to waste words but his opinion was hardly reassuring as truth. Two laps tested by Pierre Gasly and his opinion was "weird" and claustrophobic with an ugly view. Huh, Pierre don't mix words. It'll be interesting when all the drivers have a look. This is a solid point to make because the action plan looks like the FIA is proceeding with the safety testing and obviously (I mean hopefully) they believe it's beneficial enough to bring it in, which in itself is hardly a ringing endorsement either. If the drivers want to shit on it, how about the fact that the Halo is primarily being tested for a tire impact. A scary 20kg impact at a scarier 225kmh. Seen in Nascar for specific reasons like tie rod destroying fencing, and an object unavoidable high speed oval, amongst other factors and the ill-fated death of Henry Surtees, a tire strike is right up there in worry. (The FIA in 2017 will also beef up the very successful Zylon wheel tether.) So if there is a criticism to be raised about the effectiveness of the Halo, how about the stat that in a small item test, the Halo will deflect small item debris, get this, 17% of the time. Seems slightly better than plain old luck but the FIA's opinion is that without the Halo, a driver will get hit 100% of the time. Who's gonna argue that?

Look, Formula One is a high speed, high risk sport. Driver's know it each time they get in the car. Shit, as a former paraglider, I can tell you that you can't focus on fear when you're running off a cliff. For a lot of fans, the ability to deal with that risk, to achieve what the average fan can't do, is part of the awe towards a driver and the sport. Managing that risk through training, split timing decisions, etc. is what makes them exceptional athletes and commands our admiration to which we feel is deserved. They know it's high risk, we know it's high risk. And an argument can be made that all we'll be left with in the sport, is (more) boredom if we remove all that risk. Equally, technology and ongoing safety are a big part of this sport too and any dispute to the Halo's use is simply made moot by stating that the Halo could save one life.

So, if the Halo will protect a driver's life (and the FIA from getting sued) after head impacts from a wall, from another car, from tire barriers, "all those things." For those reasons, the Halo will be here in 2018 ....  Blech.

Share this post:

2016 summer break - much promise, little delivery.

Yelling at people's babies? Thinking about the best way to exit the apex of that 30/kmh corner outside your house? I hear ya, buddy. Well, now's the perfect time to pick a fight with your spouse 'cause it's the 2016 F1 Summer Break! Let's see what's been going on.

M  E  R  C  E  D  E  S
Nico was greased lightning when this season's lights first went out. For the first three races both him and his car were like bank. Last season's no confidence panic seems to have been exercised by his sports therapist and his new one-race-at-a-time mantra is on stuck on repeat. How many times have you heard the self-affirming "glass half full" from him this season? What I have loved is that Nico has brought some certain aggression with him to 2016. Not only is he running people (Lewis) off the track but he's blocking them (Lewis) from getting back on. Nico's downfall this season is converting Q1 in P1. If the championship is Hamilton's to win, it looks like he'll have to take it from Nico instead of Rosberg giving it away. There is still promise in Rosberg.
Lewis's start fell flat with plenty of car and team issues. Publicly he was right moody, he claimed privacy and focusing on the task but we really saw him in the dumps. Hard on himself, worried or feeling defeated, Lewis doesn't like losing and losing is not what he's doing at the moment. He's dug himself out of a hole and is back in control emotionally and on the track. He's toying with pace, managing tires and keeps promises about greater pace when needed and four in a row. Hammer time. Either way it is adding up to a better duel that hopefully lasts to Abu Dhabi. Terminator says, "don't come together if you want to live!"

R  E  D    B  U  L  L

A tough set of fortunes has seen as much as Kvyat's stock has fallen, Verstappen's has soared. Surely there is not a soul left that can't say that Max isn't the real deal? A win in his first seat with the big Bulls was historic and seems to have permanently cemented a wry smile on Horner's face. Max overtakes. Max defends. Max podiums. For a teen, he seems to have his shit together and has mastered the fine art of politely not backing down. Speaking of smiles, is there anyone out there that didn't feel for Danny in Monaco? Brutal. Aussie Ricciardo seems to be yet another driver of the day, on the grid who can see the golden hoop but just brushes it with his fingertips. The cars are improving, races in their favour are coming up and the team itself has two drivers propping each other up higher and higher. Max and Daniel could turn out to the best driver team out there.

F  E  R  R  A  R  I
Well, poor Sebastian's troubles just keep stacking up. Not sure if there's been more f-bombs vs. apologies to the team but exploding tires and other bad luck (Kvyat) have stretched Vettel's rubber band closer to snapping. You get the feeling that putting it all together just seems to be sooo close and yet so far for him this season but it's Vettel, it's Ferrari, it's downright painful but it's hard to rule his odds out.
To make matters worse, Kimi has been riding the wave. Ferrari said if Raikkonen wanted to keep his ride, it was up to him to perform and kudos to them both as the pair ended up keeping their word. Re-signing hasn't caused the fan's favourite to settle either as he continues to accomplish and ... get wed.

W  I  L  L  I  A  M  S

This year at Williams, it's all weak tea and crumpets passed their sell-by date. If ever a team needed car improvements it's Williams. Each step ahead this year seems to be behind everyone else's two. Not even 1.92 seconds of pit crew choreography can make up for William's strategy this year. I keep waiting for a shot of Claire throwing her hands up in a gesture that says "does anyone have any ideas?" Mid-pack Bottas is a way better driver than his shoulder shrugging declares and Massa's past comment about being too old for this stuff is an unfortunate joke screaming towards sobriety. lack of pace, disappointing qualifying, hopefully his seat will make way for some UK pride in Jenson, see this September.

F  O  R  C  E     I  N  D  I  A

Leading the championship with the most wins with Sahara Force India is Vijay Mallya as he pulls away from every bank in India within DRS.
The ever smiling Sergio Perez eagerly tries to squeeze anything and everything out of the VJM09, managing an impressive two podiums so far. Carlos has done well to coach the team close to Williams and seem quite competitive with Ferrari on the track. Upgrades to the VJM09 have appealed well to Perez's style of driving.
Hulkenberg will always have Le Mans and with that will come the expectation of translating it into Formula One. The Hulk seems to be having a harder time trying to extract success out of the Mercedes Hybrid with two retirements and six and seventh place finishes being his best. A bright talent yet to shine in 2016.


T  O  R  O    R  O  S  S  O
We all know the top story at STR is the driver swap of the decade. Daniil continues to push through the frustration and impending tears but you can't help but think it will be quite the firework show in the press if he doesn't meet the cut at the end of this season. It's been hard for him to fight back with poor pit stops, three stop strategies etc. as the team desperately gambles to fight off an unseen battle at the summer break, with McLaren.
Yet again, Carlos Sainz Jr., another driver on the verge of greatness gets a fairly strong start shut down by this STR11. Not only too slow to battle mid-pack traffic but equally thrown into break lock for Sainz was Ferrari's re-signing of Raikkonen. This is going to be an uphill struggle for both drivers to eek some success out of the 2016 second half. Some much needed good news in the ending of last year's, noncompetitive Ferrari engines and the reuniting with lost lovers Renault in 2017.

M  C  L  A  R  E  N     H  O  N  D  A

Even getting paid a shit load of money isn't enough to hide the resentment from the Japanese. Regardless of recent strides in improvement, you get the feeling Button is busy looking on his wheel for anything that says "speed" on it. Alonso seems to be less polite as I'm sure his suggestions to park the car in some races are not so much to save the engine but rather a cryptic version of "what's the fucking point?" I guess that happens to you after you rotate violently two or three times in the air. He put on a brave face but he looked like shit hobbling away after that and I wouldn't be surprised if he admits an ongoing injury at the end of the season. Plus let's not forget, Vandoorne keeps saying now's the time, and I believe him.

H  A  A  S

Oo-la-la Monsieur, ou sont les points? Team America, fuck yeah! have somehow gone all, fuck no! lately. The global billboard for Haas Automation has been hard to keep in the top ten but props to both Grojean and Guitterez for surpassing the team's low expectations. Twenty-eight points at the break is nothing to scoff at for a debut and everyone on the pit wall hates them for it. Grosjean, also a victim of Ferrari's signing, could show some success by the end of the season if things fail in front of him on the grid.

R  E  N  A  U  L  T

IMHO, one of the best looking liveries on the track but things get ugly, Jolyon Palmer. Promises of a point delivered in the pits and then that spin, ugh. You have the feeling that that would have been a career saving point. The highlight of Magnussen's season seems to be having great hair even after taking off his helmet.

M  A  R  U  S  S  I  A

Sure it's a little London Weekend Television but the former graphic designer in me likes it. There's so much talk about Pascal Wehrlein in F1 but I've yet to really see anything but a point. The sport, like others currently, is transitioning ever so fast into younger players and Pascal has fallen in to the up-and-comer category. I fear that his opportunity in F1 might move out as fast as it moved in with so many youngsters poking their heads into the pits. I think it can be argued that Ryo's a ticket by Manor to inject cash into the system. The problem: no money, no seat.

S  A  U  B  E  R

Looks like the C35-Ferrari is turning out to be just slightly faster than their website. I always have the feeling that Kaltenborn is the unsung heroine of Formula One, ever optimistic in the little press that the team is given but I wonder if her job is headed for the barriers. Both Nasr and Ericsson continue to be on the cutting edge of mediocracy. The rich heritage, and that's about it for riches, of today's Sauber seems to be stuck in the vicious circle of no wins = no sponsors and no sponsors=no wins.

Share this post:

Did Vettel ruin Daniil Kvyat's F1 Career?

Ah yes, the beginning of the 2016 season. So exciting!
I could not wait for it to start!

Remember seeing all those shiny white highlights on the new Ferrari, matching those gleaming pearly whites of Sebastian Vettel's smile? So happy and eager was he to spit out some Italiano, chase a meatball around a plate at Maurizio's house and get to work taking Ferrari's bizness all up in Mercedes's face. Seb was pretty revved up (wah-wahhhh) to kick some serious F1 ass. After all, he's a World Champion working for the Formula One equivalent of God (No, not you Bernie.) It's easy money, right? How hard could it be? Well, the answer to that innocent query is turning out to be ... pretty fucking hard. Right now at the summer break, the ass getting kicked is Vettel's and bad luck is firmly wearing the boot.

Australia, duffed into the grass. Bahrain saw the SF16-H kickin' out smoke like Bond trying to get away from Goldfinger's security men and then came the first love note from Daniil, made in China. I don't think that would have been such a problem but Kvyat caused Vettel to smack it into the Iceman and colour doesn't hit colour yo (unless it's silver, or blue, or yellow, matte or maybe even white.) This was about losing face. Daniil made Vettel break the cardinal rule in front of the boss and worse, when confronted about it, Kvyat dismissed it with a "that's racing" and a flippant what's the big deal? "we're both on the podium" comment. In Vettels' defence, he later retracted his genuine honesty with a more sadly, current F1 diplomatic and sporting "race incident" and a "let's move on" higher ground response. Remember the pearly white smile comment? Well, that's the last we'd see of Daniil's.

You know, in fairness (*sigh) I guess I should let you know I'm not a big fan of Sebastian Vettel. He comes across to me as being pretty arrogant. A tad bit of a fucking whiner as if he's entitled to space, to points, to fame and results. Sure, he's seagull funny but he's not bust a gut funny. To me, he's like some kind of first generation robot comedian funny, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if he, one day on the podium, reaches up and takes off his face revealing a ton of wires and blinking lights. However,  I will say this for him, he's German clinical. Every time I see him get out of his car, he's giving that Mercedes a once over with laser like precision. Even after getting podium, he's hardly relieved, he's glued to the timing screen, analyzing both himself and his competitor's numbers. You can see why he's a four timer but Sebastian now, is under the gun. His own perfectionism. His self-imposed responsibility to the team. Kimi's doing good if not outperforming him. The pressure for Arrivabene's job security is ramping up and being placed firmly on driver #1's shoulders and it is very, very heavy, my friend.

Okay so back on track (see what I did right there?) oh Lord, came Sochi. The Russian's home race. I remember sitting in front of the TV and saying to my friend, "Man, if Vettel gets hit again, it better not be Kvyat. Haha, I'd like to see that!" .... Then the f-bombs cometh.
"Oh for fuck's sake man! Who the fuck? Motherfucker! I'm out! Crash! Somebody hit me in the fucking rear, T2. Somebody hit me in the fucking rear again T3. For fuck's sake. Honestly! What the fuck are we doing here?" Playing ping pong? ... Hahaha, Vettel feeling the pressure? You think?

And OMG Daniil, once was bad enough but dude, twice? WTF? Was it Kvyat's fault? You bet. Did Kvyat make his own F1 career bed? Hmmm, maybe. Was it the last straw for Vettel? Ask the guy on the back of this bike. (Uhhhh, let me hold your helmet sir. Please don't kill me.) Vettel was on his way back to the pits with his emotional DRS wide open.

I'm sure a lot of people were absolutely dying to tell Vettel it was Daniil who poked him twice and more importantly, put him out of the race and needed points but it wasn't until Vettel got a good look at the replay on someone's iPad that Kvyat's career brake failed into the hairpin. From there Sebastian belted to his ex-team's principal Christian Horner. I'm sure it was a "Yo, I'll tell you want I want, what I really really want""something has to be done about him (Kvyat)" conversation. From that point on, it was a pissed off Sebastian, a flailing Ferrari and the petrified FIA stewards. *gulp* Oh to be a fly on that wall!

Either way, the door of opportunity was kicked wide open for Red Bull to put themselves out of their own panic by grabbing, white knuckled, on to Max and never, ever letting go. A move that Max proved Heir Marco a rock solid alibi for phoning Kvyat on his couch. I'm sure the VerStappen clan struck while the iron of was hot, too. All in all though,  I can't help but think that even though Kvyat stepped onto the slippery slope of Formula One unemployment, Sebastian Vettel gave him a quite the ruthless nudge to say "let me start you off."

It makes me echo JB and wonder would this domino effect of no loyalty happen to any other driver? Probably not. So now, what's going to happen to Kvyat? He can't possibly pretend to stay chums with Red Bull and the downgraded Toro Rosso. A second rate, shitty car he will all but fail with. Maybe Putin will pony up the rubles if he's not wrestling a tiger or something and buy Kvyat a seat, but where? I don't think anyone knows just yet but I'm deadly confident it won't be at any table Sebastian Vettel or Helmut Marco is sitting at. 

Share this post: